A journal of questionable quality

Friday, September 08, 2006

Mood

swinging in time to mood
Mood swings. Sudden. Rapid. What the hell? Do I need anymore than I have on a normal day? Do I need any at all.

Depends on pain. No pain I'm looking out the window, looking at that blue spring sky up there, looking at breeze indicators, calculating how much wind is happening; is there enough for a power kite?

Then I'm down. Just down. Shoulder. Pain. Remember the rules; no exertion of the power kite type for some considerable time. We were looking at six months. We're well into that now - maybe about half way through.

I don't go outside. Sit here, in front of a screen. Entertaining the cat. Checking the news, checking Twitter, looking, looking.

fantasy stuff
Picture this: serious kite tracking across the sky. Serious I said, think bigger than you have seen, imagine 6mtrs wide - 18,19,20 feet in my language, humming across the wind window.

When I'm trying to pull myself out of the 'black hole' I keep that in mind; 6mtrs of serious kite, 100 feet of line, strolling over to the buggy with kite neutral overhead. Climbing in that buggy, pulling the kite into the 'zone' and hanging on.

That thought usually gets me back up there; other times it puts me back down there, too many variables, it can go either way.

Picture this: heated swimming pool; cruising through laps, stretching shoulders, reaching out, big, long, sweeps of the arm, pulling through the water, feeling good. Love the smell of chlorine. Stretch abs, arms, shoulders; I know I'm going to be into early afternoon painkillers to loosen the neck up.

Strategically places Speedo's (not dick togs as we call them, I hasten to add) remind me of that pleasure every time I walk past the closet. Remind me I am capable of these things. On a bad time they remind me I am not capable of these things.

It's hard to deal with a swinging mood; it was always hard to deal with it in my normal state; that's what the pills are for, but now it seems to have escalated. Time, I think, to try and get it under control. Somehow.

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